I put my five bigger kids all to bed and scooped Maisie Jane up in my arms. Secretly I was very much wishing I could just go put her to bed as well. I'm tired. I wanted to just sit quietly on the couch and attempt to organize the chaos that is my thoughts. But, I knew she wasn't tired yet, so I made the choice to continue putting one foot in front of the other and continue to do the next right thing (not that snuggling that sweet thing is such an awful chore, but y'all get what I'm saying 😉) and boy was I rewarded tonight. This little stinker is soooo stingy with her smiles. I thought she'd never crack that smile, but a couple weeks ago she FINALLY did! Tonight she was locked on her momma's face soaking in every word I spoke. We were loving it and then it happened...her first giggle. The sweetest sound. It was nothing more than just an outpouring of love. For those of you who say my hands are just too full of kids...if only you could just catch a glimpse of our hearts. All eight just pour over with love.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
It's ten after eleven and I just changed the last diaper of the day and am sitting down to feed Maisie one last time before bed. Minutes ago I put up one more load of laundry and finished loading the dishwasher and pushed start. At night when I finally get to turn in for the night I always think to myself that I don't think I could possibly be more exhausted. And then the next day begins...
I hear the words of the kind lady at Target telling me to enjoy these moments while the kids are young because they disappear so quickly. At first I think to myself that she blindly remembers only the bliss of a house filled with littles. Surely she doesn't miss the late nights. The endless diapers. The load upon load of laundry. The fact that someone is always hungry and therefore the dishes are never completely done. She certainly can't miss stepping on sharp little toys or refereeing countless sibling squabbles through the day. Does she really miss losing sleep because of worry over a child's heart and not knowing how to lead them? Or lying awake praying without ceasing when there's a health scare. Or just when the gravity of the reality that you are shaping a life...a real, live, breathing life that has been placed in your arms and you are 100% responsible for and you feel like you are making mistakes at every single turn. Surely she can't possibly miss these hard moments.
The longer I thought about it, the more I realize that these are the EXACT moments she misses. Because for every one of these moments there are exponentially more moments that are joy-filled - moments that leave you breathless wondering what in the world you ever did to deserve such wonderful children. All these moments are exquisitely intertwined together. They are completely inseparable. They are motherhood and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I will NOT wish a single one of these moments away!
And now I'm off to bed because I don't think I could be anymore exhausted than I am at this moment...
"Why aren't you blogging any more?"
This has been a question I've fielded frequently over the last 6 months. Well, life got pretty CrAzY around here for me. Just when I felt like I was settling into our new routines with the addition of Charlotte our sweet Maisie made her appearance and we were back to square one. But, thankfully life feels soooo much better today! So, that's one reason, but not the only reason...
One of the biggest reasons I've been so quiet is because of evil internet trolls. Yuck! They drive me crazy. These trolls are people who hide behind the anonymity of their computer and leave some of the most vile and hurtful comments. Most of you reading this can't even imagine the things they've said to me and about our family (and NO I will not share them with you! No good would come from it and I refuse to ever verbalize them aloud! Don't feel bad, I don't usually even tell Dave the specifics. It's nothing but garbage and no one needs discussions about trash!)
Edit: the trolls attack mostly because we adopted a special needs child internationally. There is a small group of people very loudly opposed to adoptions; specifically special needs and internationally.
I needed to take a break from them. I was newly home with Charlotte and pregnant and hormonal. It was something I just wasn't in the place emotionally to be able to handle. As I'm sure you may have noticed before, but that is why my blog comments are set to be moderated and why I don't/can't allow free commenting. So, feel free to comment away and I will happily approve all appropriate comments, but I just can't allow the horrific ones to be publicly displayed. I will NOT give the trolls such power!
This blog is mine. It's about my life. It's my journal of sorts. I love sharing our lives with y'all. I love showing you what real life looks like for us. The good, the bad, the ugly. I love raising awareness for children with special needs and for orphans around the world. So, what you'll read is life from my eyes. Some might be funny, some might be scary or sad, some might be cute, and some might be boring to you. I'm writing because I want to - because having a cup of hot coffee with y'all isn't possible but I want to share this life with you.
So, welcome back to my living room! I've missed you!