Wednesday, July 9, 2014

It's Ten After Eleven

It's ten after eleven and I just changed the last diaper of the day and am sitting down to feed Maisie one last time before bed. Minutes ago I put up one more load of laundry and finished loading the dishwasher and pushed start. At night when I finally get to turn in for the night I always think to myself that I don't think I could possibly be more exhausted.  And then the next day begins...

I hear the words of the kind lady at Target telling me to enjoy these moments while the kids are young because they disappear so quickly. At first I think to myself that she blindly remembers only the bliss of a house filled with littles. Surely she doesn't miss the late nights. The endless diapers. The load upon load of laundry. The fact that someone is always hungry and therefore the dishes are never completely done. She certainly can't miss stepping on sharp little toys or refereeing countless sibling squabbles through the day. Does she really miss losing sleep because of worry over a child's heart and not knowing how to lead them? Or lying awake praying without ceasing when there's a health scare. Or just when the gravity of the reality that you are shaping a life...a real, live, breathing life that has been placed in your arms and you are 100% responsible for and you feel like you are making mistakes at every single turn. Surely she can't possibly miss these hard moments. 

The longer I thought about it, the more I realize that these are the EXACT moments she misses. Because for every one of these moments there are exponentially more moments that are joy-filled - moments that leave you breathless wondering what in the world you ever did to deserve such wonderful children. All these moments are exquisitely intertwined together. They are completely inseparable. They are motherhood and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I will NOT wish a single one of these moments away!

And now I'm off to bed because I don't think I could be anymore exhausted than I am at this moment... 

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