As a new week is about to begin, I can't help but wondering if this is our week! Please, let it be!
I'm not sleeping much.
My mind doesn't focus on much else at this time.
I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for what is about to happen. However, can one ever truly be prepared? At this exact time I find myself worrying most about my other four kids. How am I going to kiss them goodbye knowing it will be weeks before I hug or kiss them again?
They are going to be well loved and cared for and probably will have a great time playing with the cousins. But, I also know there will be moments they miss us.
Or, what about when they get scared and I'm not there to squeeze them.
Or, what happens if they get sick or hurt. I know they are going to want mommy. But, I won't be there. They'll get plenty of hugs, kisses, and love, but not mommy love.
I feel guilty.
I feel afraid.
I feel sad.
Just typing this makes my heart ache and tears flow from my eyes. I'm going to miss them so much!
But, I'm going to a sweet baby who has never had a mommy to hold her when she's scared. Or rock her when she's sick. Or kiss her when she has an owie. I'm going where I need to be.
When all is said and done, the memory of mommy being gone for a few weeks will quickly fade and life will return to normal for them.
Life will never return to normal for the fifth. That's the point. As time goes on she will forgot feeling afraid, lonely, and abandoned. As each day passes, those memories will forever be replaced with hugs and kisses and more love than she even knows exists.
Soon, baby girl, soon!
Mommy loves you!